the beautiful struggle.

if you knew how much i loved you, would you even care? how much love can one heart give without anything in return? i'm a human being, i have feelings & needs. i'm tired of digging around for any little sign that you care. i'll give my all, i just ask for appreciation in return. i'm waiting for the day when you finally see the realness in me. it's been here all along. i can show you, but i can't make you understand. & if that day never comes, then maybe i was just too real for you...

but i knew before i began my journey, that you were not gonna be an easy one to break. then again, neither am i. that's why i respect you so much, because you don't let just anyone in. i feel like all these sexual conquests & this arrogant nature are just a facade to cover up a fragile human being. one who is vulnerable to insecurities, pain, & frailties just like everyone else. the more sensitive you are, the harder you have to try to hide it. i should know because i'm the same way. i hide a broken heart falling apart at the seams with a tough, cool, carefree exterior. i actually take pride in guarding my emotions so safely. but i don't want to be another statistic to you, because we could be so much more than that...

i know it's too soon for you to love me. something as beautiful as love shouldn't come too quickly or easily. but sometimes i wonder if you're ready for love at all. you've become so poisoned & intoxicated by females filling your head with compliments about your looks & your sex game, that you aren't going to recognize or care about a chick who really loves you for you when you finally see one. i'm not asking you to give up all the women in the world for me. i just want you to feel the love i have for you. because if you could just feel it & let love in, not question it or push it away, you would feel all the love this life has to offer & then some. i feel like all the love i have could circle the entire globe & still not be finished.

tears roll down my face as i'm writing this to you, even though you will never read this. i love you so much it literally kills me inside.. pieces of my heart break off just for you & i will never ever see them again. you're the only one who will get to receive my love, & since i have faith in the goodness of your heart, i know one day you will understand... even if i'm out of your life by then. one day you will appreciate a woman's love. i just wish that woman could be me.

something keeps telling me that i'll appreciate all this heartache & fallen tears eventually. if i ever do get to have a part of you, then it'll all be worth the beautiful struggle...

so here's an unmarked letter, from my heart to yours.